Sunday, June 27, 2004

FUCKING PARENTS!!!! HOW DARE THEY RESTRICT ME!

This will be one of the post I shall post in a long time....

Bloody fuck man... My parents wont let my use the computer after seven...
WTF!!!! When I start polytechic I will come back home at 6+!!!! And HOW AM I GOING TO USE THE COMPUTER THEN???
FUCKING HELL!!!

CHeebye.. I am damm pissed off.... What the hell is wrong with them????!!!!! They are so blind to technology?
I cannot do finish my work and then use the computer meh.... IDIOTS!~
FUCKERS!!!! )#&*(^#$*(

They think only they use the computer for work... Grrr... I need to use the computer to work too lor!!! FuCK MaN!!! I need the computer to type my lecture notes and fill in my applications forms for the net.....

IDIOT ASSHOLES!!!~~
Bloody self-righteous freaks.... grrrr....

Idiots.... MY PARENTS IS DOING THIS FOR MY OWN GOOD????? WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKING HELL
I need to use the computer to work and to communicate with my frenz to ask for homework, to ask the lecturers for explainations for certain questions.... and what should I do then?

Bloody hell.. they are freaking blind...

These old old freaks...
What do they know of technology? They got their own portable computer and they can use it anytime they want to, but I have to come home to do my work AND THEY RESTRICT ME?????????????

THIS IS SO DAMN TOTALLY UNFAIR

Idiots...

I wish I didnt have to depend on them for a single thing.... FuCK MAN.. they think that they are doing in for MY OWN BLOODY GOOD... CRAP SHIT

GRRRRRRRR.....
I AM VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY ANGRY.....
I havent been so angry for ages already...

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.....

How dare they control my time like that!!!#)$*&^!@#)$&^!@#_!*(@#&#*&!@_*#&!_P@*&*#&^!@_*#&_*@#!@&!*@!

Mood: BLOODY FUCKING ANGRY 99% (ANGER)

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

HoW CaN I ChAnGe mY pErSpEcTiVe... I'm So ConFusEd

Romans 8:1 = Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

[As christians, we believe it is finished (because this is the right answer what.. the bible says so) - but... really really believe? We often fall on the 1st part, his blood for our total forgiveness. When you sin afew mins ago, do you believe its forgiven also? Or maybe the handphone you stole from your friend? - Big sin or small sin, recent or not.. It is all forgiven, totally if you are a christian - That is what happen when the divine exchange took place on the cross. Jesus took all your sins to the cross, and God the father punish the sins on his body, God cannot punish our sins now, because its all been justified. ] TeenZeal Sermen taken from Hobbes' Webby

I'm so confused... Haiz...
The message of Grace, the Gospal of Grace... We all need grace... But does that mean that when we receive God's grace, we will be able (even if we dont like it) to do things that are bad, and still be able to enter the Kingdom of God?

I have already attended a number of New Creation Church's services.. they are inexhorably excellent, you can feel the heavy presence of God in the place...
But why do churches condamn this Church?

Is it because..
1) Their teaching's in incorrect?
- But then each teaching is back up well with the scriptures! So how can it be incorrect if the scriptures is God-breathed?

2) Their teaching's are one sided?
- Does it matter? Moral virtue is man made, and only by doing what's right in God's eyes is most important... And given the new covenent, we only need Jesus, to love him and to honour him...

3) They are jealous?
- [Financially]Possibly... With a revenue of over 100,000 a week, its not surprising....
- [Strength] Possibly... 10,000... need I say more?
- [Holiness] Nah.... But let he who is without sin cast the first stone...


Haiz.. I can go on for a long long time...

Recently I've became much closer with Yuan Long and David... David is actually a really nice guy... Unlike what Jeremy has been spreading..
Charming, cute... act cool sometimes.... Only thing is that he's a bit hot-headed...

Both Yuan Long and David come from reach families... Unlike mine... So they all can afford alot of things that I cant.... Lolz... i haven even been to fish and co. to eat before without my parents....

Dono... I kinda like Hobbes... but never mind... I'm straight now.. lolz... Restrain!!!

Mood : Blur. Confused.. hope ppl who read will get tag an opinion to the answer...

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

CamP cAmP cAmP!!

DaY 1:

We departed the church at around 3:00 up the bus... Haha.. i thought we were going to Habourfront.. end up we go Changi Ferry Terminal.. lolz...
When we were at the terminal, I suddenly had a wave of depression... I felt that ppl were ignoring me... and I felt very left out... I just wanted to cry... Luckily.. once we boarded the ferry, I slept it off...
On reaching the Desaru ferry terminal, we had to sit a pretty long ride on a "bus sekolah" which was hot and cramp... which made me feel worse... but then somebody complimented me on my piano playing, and that kinda cheered me up a bit....
Once we were at the resort, and I got my key, I rushed all the way to the villa and well.. the facilities there were kinda good... better then chalet bah.. but the neighbouring room's aircon was spoilt.. haha... but who cares...
That night, I played for the worship... Kinda nervous... this was one of the few times I was performing on my own...

DaY 2:

Woke up at about 7:30... and we had to be at the breakfast table by 8:00.. haha.. everybody was like rushing here and there... We had a pretty rushy devotion the rushed to the table...
Dennis was the camp speaker... His topic was focused mainly on revival... He was kinda good...
We went to the fruity farm in the afternoon... saw all the different variety of plants, bees, and not forgetting our very friendly neighbourhood mosquito... We even set on a hellish hot van.. Mainly becoz the van was painted black...
After the farm visit, me and Haryanto went to swim... The pool was not to say exectly very clean.... diaoz...
There was another talk in the evening and I was the pianist too... But this time, David was helping me...
After the talk, we went to the lounge to have a game of pool... Jowyne was drinking Singapore Sling... I still dont get why people like dat... Its like vodka, cough syrup and orange juice mixed together..
At night... I slept next to Haryanto.... I thought back of the time when I had a crush on him... and kept looking at him sleeping peacefully.... part of me wanted to hug him... but another put of me pulled me back... in the end.. i resisted... fortunately...

DaY 3:

Woke up quite early today... had ample time to bathe... Sometimes I still find i have quite a nice body also... but... dono bah... Jealousy can do wierd things..
Nothing much happened in the morning, and I had a nice doze in the afternoon, and was woken up in the late afternoon by Haryanto and David to go play games...
Haha... The sea was magnificent! The tides were 8 or 9 times higher then Singapore's, and they were really strong... Spent my time breakind the waves and riding the tide... haha.. a surf board would really be useful now.. lolz!
Haryanto stepped on a sharp shell and it injured him... gave me a scare...
In the evening, we had a game of treasure hunt... lolz... It was really scary.. they hid the sticks in all the wierd dark places... and it was really dark... pitch black... the scary shack we went to find one of the clues was so dark that we could not see anything beyond the torchlight's light! And the house gives me the creeps too...
At night I suddenly had a bout of stomachache... It was horrible.. I was vomiting the whole night... I suspected I had food poisioning (again)... haiz... Whole night spoilt...

DaY 4:

I woke up in the morning feeling terribly weak and sick,... I couldn even sit up... I juz lied down in bed the whole morning.. I couldn attend the talk too... haiz
However, by God's grace, my stomach became better by the afternoon and I could eat some food..
In the afternoon, we had to go... I slept on the bus and ferry and bus...
haiz.... stupid stomachache...


Overall, the camp was fun... if not for the stomachache...
Oh yeah.. during the whole time there, David and Matt played Hillsongs, Sonicflood... all the time... It was cool... we really came closer to God and bonded together much more...

Mood: Sick... Tired.. Happy.. dono what lah.... sleeeeppy

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Of PiaNO LeSsOns, TeEnZeAL anD DaDdY's BirThdAy...

PheW!! haha...
Today I woke up at around 10, and realized that my bro had resetted the computer again (thus the server) and screamed at him.. lolz...
Then realized that I had Piano Lessons at 11:00 as replacement for next week because I was going to Desaru.... so I had a very rushy morning..

The piano lesson was like... err... kinda horrible.... because this was one of the few times that I actually went to my teacher's house to have lessons... her piano is so sensitive... i barely had to touch it to make a sound... so my controlling was already in disarray...

Then after that I rushed to Suntec because I told my fren I would go with him to his Youth service today... New Creation Church's Youth ministy is called TeenZeal.. and.. well... the service was pretty cool...
Points to take note of
1) The keyboardist did not leave his seat while the preacher was talking (positive)
2) There were 3 backup singers, 1 backup lead and a worship leader, making the whole setting not only impressive, but it creates a professional scene (positive)
3) There were 3 people at the sound control panel, each controlling different parts of the setting (positive)
4) The paster had intercession with the music at the background still, the worship leader still singing - however with a lower volume [thanks to the sound control panel crew] (positice)
5) The guitarist coordinated with the keyboardist VERY well... (positive)
6) The drumset, being electric, was generally controlled by the sound control crew, and therefore, had no piercing effect and was very well controlled (positive)

a) The lead singer's voice was somewhat less resonented then the backup singer's voice (negetive)
b) The 3 backup's constantly stumbled (as in unable to independently aid the worship leader while working as a team ), maybe because they relied on the worship leader too much... (negetive)
c) The paster loses his seriousness in some aspects of his sermon as he cracks some un-related jokes (negetive)
d) Properity teaching - as a whole, is a factor that sometimes can attract the wrong attention... We must know that God gives blessings, yes, and blessings abundantly... however... we must also realize that Christianity is not a bed of roses... God wants us to be prepared for terrible times....

After going to the TZT with cPazo aka Yuan Long, I went with my family out to eat at Crystal Jade Palace restaurant... my bro was not joking....
When he said we were going to eat at Crystal Jade... the first thing that came to my mind is Crystal Jade Kitchen... but when we reached Taka, instead of going down to the basement, we went up... I was shocked... so I thought it would be Crystal Jade Steamboat... but then... he didnt stop there..
Then... I nearly fainted when he stopped at Crystal Jade palace restaurant...

The meal cost over 300....
Knn...

Haha... kk.. sleepy le... tml got camp some more..
lolz...
Got to sleep....

Mood: Happy, excited.... Optimistic...
Today... Woke up at 9.. amazing huh.... dono why I responded to my handphone alarm...

Nothing eventful happening today... I'm not sure why I cannot send out files through IRC anymore... One of my ports must be closed.. but I'm not sure which one...

I went to PS alone to play arcade while waiting for YoYo and Jasper they all... Ended up I met Yen Yen and CK first.... I think today I must have been a bit wierd with my Para.... I was kinda unstable... lolz...

I suddenly found that Evo, Yoyo were suddenly rather cold towards me... I wonder why... divine intervention?... maybe...
Haiz... Victor went to MS with his frenz....

Nothing else much happened today.... other then the fact that I DID give Nicholas his own account....

Mood: Lonely, Depressed... Questioning....

Friday, June 11, 2004

It is time.... Time to turn.. Slowly but surely, I'll try...

My heart has been broken too many times...
I now start this blog with a heart that is harder then a diamond, colder then ice, but longing for someone to melt it once more...

Its been so long since I've written a blog, and I shall begin once more...

Devastated by my ordeals in my epic when I was an AJ, I decided to try once again to turn over and become a straight, but I know that it is almost impossible, so I shell slowly do it, and with God's help....

Recently, I've been more active with the Christian communitee in Singapore, now that I've moved my focus away from the AJ communitee... My two best friends, Simon and Haryanto are now closer to me then before, I went to play soccer with them too, even though I much prefer swimming, I still did tag along...

On a friday, I went to the Festival of Praise along with the Agape youth, it was cool.... Darlene Zach and her whole Hillsongs team was there! We spent a very enjoyable night praising God and worshipping Him....
Coincidentally, Yuan Long, aka cPazo was there too, along with the infamous Hobbes.. ( i have nothing against hobbes, really! In fact, i treat him more like a fren then most myplacians).
Yuan Long is a passionate Christian, who... I do not know for what reason, stumbled into the AJ communitee... I pray tat he will not be lured to become an AJ too...

It is absolutely true... Once you're an AJ, it's almost impossible to turn straight again, unless you have help, and I mean supernatural help...

Recently, I've become less active in #Myplace and #AJ and more active in #Christian and the new channel #FoP... It is there when I met a new friend, Nerrine... She is quite a new Christian, taking from the depth of knowledge of the bible, but I admire her zeal for evanglism... She wanted to take us to her church service along with YL and a few others, however, in the end, only me and YL ended up going... Her church service is full of life and vigor, and I find the speaker, a bit abstract, but nevertheless, meaningful.... I wish her all the best in her future endevours....

I've also taken a post as an MD at #MP3Downloads, from there, I can receive latest information on the release of new albums and artiste etc, however, I will be sharing my vast library of songs with 100+ people who leech songs day in and day out...

During the past few weeks, my didi told me that he liked me... I really dono what to say... Because my heart has grown too cold towards outright love... I really cant accept it... Moreover, I've already told myself to try and become straight... Its hard.. but I wont let anybody stop me....

Yesterday, I went with the agape youth to Marina Bay... We eat and eat and eat and eat.... haha... to celebrate Jasons last day to be with us before going into NS.... (celebrate? lolz)...
I then rushed to the nearest arcade over there to play Para para... Then i met a long long long long lost fren... JY... This cute little boy.. sigh.. haha.....
He stood by my side while I was playing para para.... and said he wanted to learn too! haha... wow... i really dont mind teaching him... haha..... but I'm still not flawless... Matthew is still better..... for now....

Today has been a hyper uneventful day... I got worked up over the computer in the morning, formatted the computer in the afternoon, and came back with 8x as much speed in the evening....
Fast... but I think I lost some important documents...

I'm also wondering if I should open an account for Nicholas le...

Mood: Blank, Dreamy.....